Evince
by MistressMinako
Summary: Malik has a chat about her decision. Post Series. MalikPOV. Body Issues. JouxMalik implied. Complete.


Hi there. The story before you is ostensibly the second in a series of fics based around Malik(-chan). This story is a chronological sequel to Bete Noire. Weirdness and body issues abound, and I make no apologies.

---

She hurried through the rapidly darkening streets. It just didn't make sense to her. She'd left the apartment with plenty of daylight remaining, and yet somehow the light was fading unnaturally. She looked at the sky while she walked. The sun was shining brightly, but yet...

_Hurry, hurry, hurry. Is this what you're reduced too? A sniveling little housewife-without-a-mate who sets out a wholesome meal promptly at 5pm_

"Stop it."

_Oh, my dear, sweet Malik. **You stop it first.** Your unrealistic idealizations of normalcy are absolutely disgusting._

"Shut up!"

He laughed. _How **DARE** you talk to Me like that, after all I've done for you!_ A sharp pain in her head sent her stumbling blindly forward. Instead of a wall or the side of a building she might have been haphazardly aiming for, her hand found purchase in human flesh.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" She opened one eye a fraction and suddenly the sun seemed all too bright. She winced and covered her face, a whimper escaping her throat. She had been so_ stupid_ to think she could leave the comfort and relative safety of her home. "Hey! I'm talkin' to ya!"

"No." She whimpered again. Her headache was worsening by the second, and her overtired body was responding in turn, setting nerves afire so that she felt her entire body was being stuck with tiny needles. A hand gripped her shoulder - a real hand, constructed of flesh and bone. If only she still had the Rod, she'd hack off that hand in an instant. How DARE anyone touch His body?! She was slammed up against a wall, and she screamed as white-hot fire spread through her back along the deep scars in her skin.

"Thaaat's right pretty girl. Scream all you want. No one's going to save you." She caught glimpses of wide smiles and slicked-back hair. She could smell a rotten mix of sweat, oil, and perfume. She struggled violently, and broke free of one set of hands, only to be caught by another. Another hand squeezed her breast. "We're just gonna have a little fun. We won't hurt you...unless you want us to!"

"No! Stop! I don't know you!" She cried desperately, hoping someone would hear her.

_I hear you._ That supine voice whispered in her mind._ Sssh, It's alright, pretty little Malik. Let Me out and I'll fix everything_ Images of the broken and bleeding bodies of her captors whom she had not seen, filled her mind. She looked down at her hands and they were covered in blood. Again.

"Hey!" She heard a shout and lifted her head. The sound had come from somewhere outside her head. The hands that gripped her were torn off, and she opened her eyes to see one of her captors fall to the ground. A man in a high school jacket stood over both her captors, breathing hard. "Fuckin' perverts." He turned around, his lips twisted into a self-satisfied grin. "Hey there. Sorry about them. There's perverts everywhere. I'm Jounouchi..." He trailed off and his smug expression melted as he realized who she was. "Um...Na- Malik?"

She had one hand pressed up against her forehead. "Ka-Katsuya, I..." Her headache was almost over-powering and she stumbled as she pushed herself off the wall she'd been held against. Her Other self was laughing madly, amused by this unfortunate turn of events. "Thanks. I have to go now. See you later." She turned away and ran. The only thought in her mind was of the safety of her room. She didn't notice the tears streaming down her face or the chiding of that ominous voice in her head.

---

The doorbell chime sounded through the apartment and she worked herself out from under a pile of papers. Rishid was resting and she didn't want to disturb his sleep for a desperate merchant of some kind. She hurried into the common room and pulled open the door.

"We don't...hi." She was looking up into Jounouchi Katsuya's face.

"Hey." He favored her with a goofy smile. "I was worried when you ran off the other day, so I found your sister at the museum and got your address. I brought cake!" He held up a box tied with ribbon and she smiled a little.

"I suppose you expect me to invite you in now." She remarked warily. She was still standing partially hidden behind the door.

"I wouldn't turn down the offer." Jounouchi remarked, trying to keep a up a light mood.

"Okay." She stepped aside and the door opened a little more to admit him inside.

"Nice place." He complimented, looking around. "It's a lot bigger than the place my dad and I share. It's also a lot less sterile and alien-looking than Bakura's place." She smiled again, briefly.

"It's home." She felt her face warm a little when she realized she was using her 'male' voice. She cleared her throat self-consciously. "Uh. So, the kitchen is over here..." She gestured vaguely and Jounouchi turned around to face her. She stiffened and her breath froze in her chest.

"You should have milk with this. Do you have any milk here? I could go get some if you'd like." His tone was deadly serious, and he fixed her with an unwavering gaze.

"W-we have milk. Isis brought some yesterday." She was starting to have trouble keeping up with his Japanese. Gods damn these natives and their tendency to say all their thoughts in a breath. He headed into the kitchen and she followed after him. "Katsuya!" He turned around.

"Oh...shit. Sorry man, I forgot about my shoes!" He pulled his shoe off with his free hand and she noticed a hole in the upper section of it, near the laces.

"Battle-scar from one of Yuugi's...uh, the Other Yuugi's, dark games." His cheeks turned a little red and he laughed in spite of himself.

"Oh..." She had her hands clasped in front of her, and was nervously shifting her weight from foot to foot unconsciously.

"So are those breasts real?"

"...what?"

"Your...uh." Jounouchi's blush deepened. "Your chest is bigger. Fuller...in a sense. Um..."

She slowly realized she was still dressed in her pajamas, and that her developing breasts were clearly visible She crossed her arms over her chest and nodded. To her surprise, Jounouchi smiled.

"Then I'll call you Malik-chan from now on, okay?" He held his hand up, finger extended in a de facto gesture. The heat in her face grew and her lips twitched into a smile. He put his arm around her shoulders in a friendly way and handed her the cake. "I'll go put my shoes by the door. Feel free to open that up now if you want some." She nodded, eyes downcast to avoid his gaze.

She felt his weight leave her, and repressed a shudder. She walked into the kitchen and set the box on the counter. After a moment's hesitation, she untied the ribbon and lifted the top. A luscious mocha cake greeted her. She gasped in surprise and laughed to herself. She retrieved two plates and cut two wedges out of the handsome cake.

"Isis mentioned something about an addiction to coffee. Nice to know listening to her paid off." He grinned stupidly and accepted the plate she pushed into his hands. He followed her to the kitchen table and they took seats across from one another.

"So." Jounouchi began between bites. "You come back to Japan and don't contact any of us. I run into you on the street and your wearing a dress and sporting breasts. What's going on?" She took an especially long time in consuming the bite of cake she had just taken. He waited, staring at her expectantly.

"Well..." She began, "I didn't know if any of you still cared. Yuugi found Atem's name and sent him back to the afterlife. None of you have anything more to do with me." There was a note of misery in her voice, and she avoided looking at Jounouchi's face.

"That's not fair." He declared suddenly, firmly. He reached across the table and placed his hands over her own. "You're our friend, of course we want to know what's happening to you!" She looked up, startled, and met his eyes. The emotions she saw there were deep, and they were confusing. She felt tightness in her chest constrict.

"I'm sorry, Katsuya." She began quietly. "I guess...I'm not sure how to break the news. Transgenderism isn't exactly common." She paused, considering her next words. Her hands curled and worried under Jounouchi's larger ones. "I-I don't...want to drive you, and everyone else, away. You're all I've got in the whole world." She pulled her arms back against her chest and wiped her eyes and the strange tightness in her chest i pulled /i . She found herself pressing her hands against her face, sobbing uncontrollably.

_You're such a child. You can't even make simple decisions. You don't understand what you want._ A chiding, confident voice rose from within her mind. _Let Me take over. I'll destroy him so you won't have to continue this pitiful charade of humanity._ Tendrils wrapped around her mind, pulling her down into oblivion.

Into darkness.

"No!" Jounouchi jumped, startled by her sudden outburst. He touched her shoulder and gave her a gentle shake. "Hey, you okay? Malik-chan?"

She sniffed wetly and nodded. God, her head hurt. She heard laughing again and she hoped she wasn't the one making that terrible sound. Jounouchi pressed some tissues into her hand and she dabbed the corner of her eyes.

"E-excuse me, Katsuya." She stood up quickly and escaped to the safety of her bedroom. Once there, she closed the door and leaned against it. She wasn't ready for this. She hadn't planned for anyone to know...for anyone to care about her.

She looked around the small room. When she had been a child, she had her own rooms where she was to study and sleep. She didn't like being by herself and in defiance of her father's orders, she usually stayed with Rishid. Studying with him, and sleeping in his bed sometimes...when sleeping got too hard. Her memories since the rite of her ancestors, of gathering her army of duelists and wanting only to kill Yuugi...those memories were distant, unaccessible. She could only remember the vivid terror that came with the emergence of the other personality she had created out of her pain and fear.

She curled up with her back against the door, her hands buried in her hair. She knew He was trying to upset her, to fill her with fear and anger so He could come out. She could feel His bloodlust and hear His mocking laughter. She was a recluse because she couldn't bear to go outside and see all the uniform Japanese people staring at her and talking about her. Her own demon was hard enough to bear; The way He taunted her, and hurt her for further mutilating her body in a desperate attempt to escape the memory of her father. One of the cuts on her arm still stung from last night, and she let out a pitiful sob.

This was too hard. She couldn't even face Jounouchi. Her hands tightened in her hair and she took no notice of the tears falling steadily down her cheeks. The scarred skin of her back started to burn where it contacted with the door, and she was in pain. The scripture that she carried was useless now. What little worth their was to her life was gone, yet she continued to exist as something repulsive, and the people all avoided her because in their hearts, they knew she was inhuman.

There was an ungodly loud crashing sound, and the door that she was leaning against vibrated sharply. She screamed half in terror and half in pain as her shirt caught on some rough spot of the door, and the wood rubbed against her bare back.

"Malik? Hey, Malik-chan, are you in there?" The rational part of her mind told her the voice was Jounouchi. There was no reason to be afraid of him, he wouldn't hurt her. She found herself facing the door and frozen, unable to speak past the tightness in her throat.

"Okay..." Jounouchi's pause of a few seconds seemed like hours. Like a scene from a horror movie, she watched the knob slowly turn...

Jounouchi burst though the door. "I'm sorry Malik, you just left so suddenly! I had to make sure you were okay!" She heard his words, but she couldn't understand them. Her mind was too clouded. She stared at him helplessly. He stared back at her. She sobbed weakly again, wanting to get away from him but unable to move. Tears dripped down her cheeks, and then the world sped up. Jounouchi took a few steps toward her, and gently if firmly pulled her into his arms. Her hands which had been near her face as she stood there with bent arms, now clutched at his dress shirt. She pressed against him, burying her face against his chest as she had done to Rishid as a child.

She cried tumultuously for a few moments, gasping and whimpering. She clutched Jounouchi's shirt and he held her against his chest by her shoulders, carefully avoiding touching her back. He rubbed her shoulders gently, using a low voice to calm her. She still clung desperately to him even after her tears stopped. Slowly though, he worked his thumbs between their bodies, and he pushed her away.

"Katsuya..." Her delicate features twisted in apprehension, and she bit her lip when she felt her throat tighten again. Jounouchi smiled, and he lifted a hand and touched her hair gently. "Katsuya!"

"It's okay, Malik." His voice was unusually soft. He produced tissues from thin air and with a look of serious concentration, wiped away her tears and traces of light makeup. She closed her eyes and sighed as he cleaned her up, feeling suddenly exhausted. The gentle caress of the tissue calmed her, and she felt the headache that always came on when she was upset, lessen in intensity. "Woah...I didn't know these were tattoos." Jounouchi touched her cheek, lightly tracing the black mark that extended from the corner of her eye. She opened her eyes, but avoided his gaze.

"It's...part of our rite, of the tombguardians." She touched the other mark just as gently. "My father gave me these when he preformed the ritual. They're supposed to have adorned my ancestor who served on Atem's court."

"That's kinda neat." Jounouchi smiled warmly, and she managed a small smile in return.

"I...didn't like it at first. It was more pain. I guess it looks okay now..." She trailed off uncomfortably, rubbing the mark self-consciously. She leaned against Jounouchi unconsciously, feeling nervous and exhausted. He still had a hand on her shoulder, and he continued to massage her very gently. She sighed and closed her eyes, finding comfort in his actions.

"You're really tense," Jounouchi muttered. "Malik, are you sick?"

She shook her head. "I haven't been sleeping well," she confessed softly. "My Other self...he's still in my head. I have these terrible dreams..." Her grip on Jounouchi's shirt tightened. "I'm scared that I'm going to hurt myself or hurt someone else. I'm scared that he'll take me over again, and I'll be lost in my own head." She paused, "I'm just...afraid of the dark."

He nodded slowly, still caressing her cheek. "Did you tell your doctors you haven't been sleeping?" She nodded. Jounouchi smiled bitterly. "Well, there's medication they can give you to help you sleep."

"I-I know..." she began uneasily, "I searched on the internet-"

"What else did you search on the internet?" Jounouchi interrupted, seemingly unconcerned with the rest of her clumsy explanation. There was a hard edge to his voice and she glanced up at him, startled by the question. "Well?"

"Male-to-Female transition, the procedures of sex reassignment surgery. Why does it matter to you? Are you going to try and talk me out of...this?" She gestured vaguely to herself. "I'm scared, but I am not confused and I know this is what I want to do with my body."

He nodded decisively. "Then we'll do everything we can to help you." His voice had softened, and warmth returned to his gaze.

"You and who else?" She challenged, feeling vaguely uncomfortable with the implied intimacy of his response. Jounouchi's eyes widened in surprise.

"Well...my friends and I, our families-"

"Yuugi hates me." She interrupted, slumping against him.

"Yuugi doesn't hate anyone." He replied firmly.

"Tch. Are you that naive?" She scoffed, fixing Jounouchi with the same 'look' that made Rishid fold.

"No. But I am that hopeful." She was at a loss for words. Jonouchi smiled warmly. "What happened before is in the past. I've fucked up pretty bad before, and Yuugi's always forgiven me. He believes there's good in everyone, and he doesn't hold grudges."

"I...see." She replied, pausing to let his words sink in. "Katsuya...are you going to tell them...?" She gestured half-heartedly to herself.

He smiled and leaned in close to her. "Only if you want me to." She bit her lip and lowered her head. Here she was, clinging to one of Yuugi's friends she had mind-controlled into a duel to the death. Worse yet, she had commanded Rishid to destroy this man with the intense power of Ra during the Battle City finals. According to everything she had been taught as a child, Jounouchi was beneath her. Yet she still couldn't bring herself to let go of him.

"Why are you even here? Are you willing to forgive me? I treated you the worst of all, and yet you've brought me food and comforted me. Why does it matter to you if I'm happy or not?" There was a touch of misery in her voice. It would have been easier just to keep silent and relax into his arms...let the whole world melt away. She laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes, waiting for his answer.

He touched her hair again, tucking loose strands behind her ear. "I'm here because I needed to make sure you were okay. After what happened at Battle City..." He sighed, pausing to consider his next statement. "I should be used to that now: seeing my friends switch personalities." He was brushing his fingertips lightly though her hair. "I'm not. I always worried about Bakura, and even Yuugi. They seem okay now though, with the Items gone. Your Other self though...he told us you created him." He paused again, briefly. "I read some stuff on the internet. He...really is a fragment of your pain and sadness from before. All that stuff really happened, and you've really got ancient Egyptian letters and images of the God Cards carved into your skin." She nodded against his chest.

"That's sick." He muttered, and she glanced up at him. He smiled reassuringly. "I'm sorry Malik, but...it really is. Didn't your family have paper, or stone? Anything's got to be better to carry a message then...human flesh."

"It was our tradition." She replied weakly. "It's what I was born for. My only reason for existing..." She trailed off unhappily. She crossed her arms and pressed her forehead against his chest.

"That's not true!" He ground out firmly. He lifted her head and waited for her to look at him. "If you were so worthless, then why are Isis and Rishid working so hard for you? Why are they helping you...change?"

She was silent. She could feel tears burning in her eyes, and she bit her lip determined not to cry. "You...you don't know what it's like." her lip quivered. "I...loved my father. He spent so much time with me. Teaching me the texts, our traditions. Katsuya, the only life I know is that of my ancestors. I can barely speak your language, and I can't leave this apartment by myself."

"What about the other day?" Jounouchi asked softly as he led her to her bed.

"It was a test. I only went a few blocks to do some shopping. I was waylaid by those guys and I froze up. I couldn't understand their words and I was panicking."

"Good thing I was out here then." Jounouchi smiled as they sat down. She frowned and laid against his chest once more, heaving a sigh of relief when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"No, it wasn't." She looked up at him imploringly. "He...my Other self, I really did create him. He's in my head and I can hear him talking all the time. He tries to upset me so that he can come out. When you came, I could feel myself pulling away from the world. There's so much pain when we switch...I had to run away because I didn't want him to hurt you."

"The Rod's gone. He's got no magic help. I think I can take your Other self in a brawl."

"Probably." She smiled a little. "This is pathetic. I'm so scared. When I had the Rod, I had power. I was confident. Now I'm lucky I can still hold a coherent conversation." She laughed nervously, her voice tinged with sadness and regret. "What I'm doing with my body...I want this to be what I want. I want to feel _right_. I loved my father for the man he was before my tenth birthday. That day...when he laid me face down on that stone slab and cut into my flesh, he ceased to be my father. Every time he touched me after that, it felt like he was carving deeper into my back. I've been to several doctors, and there's nothing they can do. The scars are permanent." She dropped her head against his chest. "I never wanted this rite. I never wanted to serve Atem as his tomb keeper. I can escape the voice in my head as easily as I can escape the voice of my father or the feel of his touch."

She raised her head and looked into Jounouchi's eyes. "Do you know what _I_ did to my father?" She laughed, as twin streams of tears fell from her eyes. "I killed him. I killed him when I was still just a child. I cut off the skin of his back and placed his rite on Rishid's scoured back. Somehow, I didn't know what I had done, and I swore that I would kill the Pharaoh because my father was dead. W-when I gave Yuugi the Rod, I got that memory back." She paused, looking distressed. "Not only that memory, but many memories. It's like I've regained six years of my life, but there are still things I just can't recall. Those are the memories of my Other self, and he only allowed me to see the manner of our father's death..."

"Malik...Malik, slow down." She nodded, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. He tightened his grip on her shoulder and she muffled her cry against his shirt. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised..." He commented uneasily.

"You're so heartless," She hissed. "I've never told _anyone_ what I just told you, and you only see fit to rebuff me?" Without waiting for a reply, she shoved him backward and raised her hand. The crack of skin against skin sounded unnaturally loud in the small room. Jounouchi clapped a hand over his face, blood leaking from the fine cuts made by her sharp nails. "You're no different than any of the xenophobic scum that cover this island. Do you know why I'm here? Because we were forced out of our country. Isis was almost arrested, but she was allowed to come back to Tokyo and work for the _museum_. Do you understand how disgraceful that is? To see the things my ancestors lived in darkness for on display under bright electric lights for all to see?" She grabbed Jounouchi's arms and pushed him violently backwards, sliding into his lap at the same time. She pinned him to the mattress, using hidden strength to hold him there. "You wandered into my lair like a fly. Maybe I should just kill you now?" Her voice had changed, become deeper. Jounouchi started at her with wide eyes as he realized just what had happened.

"Okay, listen to me, asshole. We're not gonna play this game. Let me up or I'll-"

"You'll what? Hit Me back?" He laughed. "You would never touch this body for fear of hurting My Other self."

"You know, you gotta get up sometime. You're still human, after all. Besides, I don't think Rishid is going to be too happy to find his little sister sitting on top of a punk like me."

He tightened her grip. "Don't you DARE call Me that! My Other self's pathetic notions of salvation through those tiny capsules will NEVER come to fruition!"

Jounouchi laughed heartily. "Well, then I hate to tell you this, but you have tits."

He glared at Jounouchi, lowered His head to observe His chest, and returned to glaring at him with even more malice then before. "What is this trickery?!"

"Modern medical science, and there's nothing you can do about it. Why don't you just let the Other Malik back out now, hmm?"

"I have a better idea." He smiled widely and rubbed Himself against Jounouchi's crotch. "It seems that an important component of Myself yet remains."

"Not by her choice, I'm sure," Jounouchi replied. His nails were cutting into his bare arm. "I don't really fancy sex with i you /i though..." Jounouchi brought his arm up sharply, throwing Him off-balance. Jounouchi bucked underneath Him and He tumbled off the bed, landing on His back and shoulder. He tried to pick Himself up as Jounouchi scrambled off the bed.

Jounouchi was faster, he grabbed Him and pinned Him quite securely. "RISHID!?" He yelled, doubtful the intimidating man could hear him though the closed door. "RISHID? IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, I NEED YOUR HELP!" A few long seconds followed. He was breathing heavy, and no matter how He moved, He could not loosen Jounouchi's grip.

The sudden opening of the door startled both of them. "Malik-sama?" Rishid stood in the doorway, looking worried.

"Hey big guy," Jounouchi greeted. "Down here. I've got a little problem and maybe you know how to help me out." Rishid dropped down in front of Him.

"NO!" He cried, and struggled more violently, desperate to get out of Jounouchi's arms and rip this man's _face_ off...!

"Malik-sama," he stated calmly, staring at his younger sister intently.

"Rishid...?" She asked, staring into her brother's eyes. "I'm sorry, did we wake you?"

"Jounouchi-san." Rishid gave him a fleeting smile. "Thank you. Malik-sama is alright now." Jounouchi released her.

She turned around, rubbing her neck where he had her pinned. "Katsuya, what...?" Her eyes widened. "Your cheek! Oh...I'm sorry." She cupped his face gently. "Rishid, can you bring me some hydrogen peroxide?" He nodded and stood up swiftly.

Jounouchi started fidgeting as soon as Rishid moved away. She took the hint and gave him some space. She began to pour far too much effort into straightening her cloths as an excuse. There was only one reason Rishid would have to come into her room. The scratches on Jounouchi's face and the blood under her fingernails confirmed what had just happened. She felt tears burn the edges of her eyes again.

"Malik-sama." She took the bottle from her brother without looking up. She stood up slowly, still keeping her head lowered. She grabbed a couple of tissues out of the box on her desk and used half of them to wipe her face. She soaked the other half in a clear liquid from the bottle Rishid had given her.

"Here, Katsuya," she said, holding out the damp ball of tissues.

His face reddened. "Uh...actually, could you do it for me? Otherwise I need a mirror..." He looked around, pointedly ignoring the floor-length mirror behind him.

"Okay..." She sank to her knees in front of him. She lifted his chin gently and dabbed at the cuts. The solution hissed where it contacted with his wounds, but the blood cleaned up easily enough. She heaved an internal sigh when she saw his cuts were just superficial flesh wounds.

"Thanks." He said, smiling. She nodded shyly and stood up to throw the tissues away. "Malik, are you okay?"

She turned around to face him, smiling sadly. "Do I seem okay to you?" He was silent. She nodded, laughing softly. "I'm sorry Katsuya. I didn't mean to let him out. He...he just takes over when I'm scared. That's one of the reasons I can't leave the apartment by myself." She sighed, taking a seat on the bed. He stood up and joined her. "I don't want him around anymore. I've been working hard at getting him under control but my therapist says it will take a long time. She says I just have to be patient..." She trailed off, avoiding Jounouchi's gaze by staring at her own hands.

"That's all right, Malik." He assured, belatedly wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "You know, Isis told us what happened the first time you set foot in the _real_ world." She slumped in her seat and closed her eyes. She clasped her hands together and brought them to press against her closed mouth. "Yuugi asked why you hated us all so much. I...guess Isis felt guilty. She thought she brought that...Other self, upon you. She wanted-"

"She didn't do it!" She proclaimed suddenly, interrupting Jounouchi's recollections. "Isis...she didn't have anything to do with him. He just..." She visibly twitched, "he just appeared. My therapist saysI made him, that it was because I didn't want to hate my father for what he did to me. My father...he was everything to me. My teacher, my...guidance. It was so stupid of me to break the law of the tombkeepers. I'm such a child..." She was shaking again. She didn't understand why she was telling Jounouchi all this. She had _never_ told another person about that day, she wanted to deny it had ever happened. But, something about Jounouchi made her want to talk. Jounouchi held her gently against his chest, and for a moment, she was distracted by the sweet smell of his cloths and perfume. She had been taught that only those of high birth were allowed such luxuries, but here in Japan, even the smallest dwelling had running water. There were even whole buildings where one could take a warm bath and large shops where one could have the best perfumes for the right price.

"I don't understand this world." She confessed softly, her hands tightening in his shirt. He had pulled her into his lap, and he was holding her by her shoulders again, mindful of the scars that covered her back. "You...you have these little tablets, these pills: aspirin, Tylenol. They make pain go away. It...it just takes one or two, and nothing hurts anymore. I suffered for a long time after the rite. We didn't have anything like anesthesia or pain-killers. We began the rite when the sun was at it's highest through that little portal, my only glimpse of heaven for ten years. It was past mid-night when the ritual was over. My father didn't take me into his arms, he didn't calm me. He just sent me back to Rishid. By disobeying my father, I hurt Rishid, I put those scars on his back." She laid her forehead against his shoulder. "I just wanted the pain to stop."

Jounouchi nodded, and she sighed when he wrapped his arms around her waist, clasping his hands together and resting them just below her scar. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

When she sat back, he was smiling. "You want to know," he began, "how I know Yuugi is a good person?" She nodded. "'Cause before I met him, I was a worthless street punk causing trouble for no reason. Then Yuugi took a punch from a guy who was bigger than me, and I couldn't just ignore that kind of stupidity. So I became his friend." He laughed nervously. "It's been a weird ride, admittedly. Life kinda sucks at times, but you just have to keep hoping there's something better out there. I don't...really think of myself as a religious guy, but maybe there is a larger reason why you're here." He paused thoughtfully. "I did some researching on the Internet. Egypt has kinda strict rules on gender-reassignment. You wouldn't be able to get this treatment over there." He brushed a thumb over her cheek gently.

She shook her head. "No. I'd probably be dead now if I...was still there. Our...my duty is fulfilled. There's nothing there for me now." She looked up into his eyes. "The reason I have to do this, the reason I have to become a woman, is because I can't be my father's son anymore. When I'm here with my brother and sister, I know he's dead. But when I'm in bed, alone, I can still feel his presence. I can still hear his footsteps, and smell the mustiness of old water and blood that always followed him...then I wake up screaming or crying. I can't handle that any longer. I don't want to rely on Isis and Rishid forever. I want to be different and get better. I hope that I can have the kind of freedome that I always dreamed about."

Jounouchi was staring at her silently, his expression unreadable. Her hands slid down his chest to rest between them, and she lowered her head. Her earlier exhaustion had returned tenfold, and she felt abjectly embarrassed to have told Jounouchi so much. She grew more uncomfortable with every silent moment that passed between them. She heard a suddenly rustling of cloth, and Jounouchi clasped her hands in his own. She looked up, and he was smiling.

"You've been though so much..." he began, his tone at once both apologetic and...almost reverent. "This seems so scary: your father, talking about becoming a woman. You know, I'm just a bad kid from the wrong side of town. The only medical knowledge I have comes from American TV." She laughed a little, and his smile brightened. "If this is what you want, then we'll...I'll, always be here to help you out, okay?"

She nodded, unsure of what to say before a horrid thought overcame her. "You...can't. My Other self..." She pleaded gently, not knowing exactly what to say but hoping that he would understand just the same.

Jounouchi shook his head. "Dealing with the Other Malik is a small price as long as you promise me that you'll keep living."

"I...what?" She stared at him for a few seconds, and her eyes widened in shock. "Isis...she told you what I said before...before everything went wrong?" Jounouchi nodded, and she bit her lip, her hands tightening underneath Jounouchi's own. "Atem saved me, and now you're giving me a second chance. I promise I won't waste it."

Jounouchi gave her a wide, lopsided smile. "No worries then?" She returned the smile shyly, shaking her head at the same time.

"Good!" He placed a supportive hand on her shoulder while still keeping his other hand over her own, but did not make any further movement. She was internally thankful. His gaze lingered on her for a few long seconds, before he glanced at the digital clock on her bedside. "How in the hell did it get that late?" He asked rhetorically, turning back to her. "I guess I'd better get going before my dad calls the cops to see if I've been arrested. Are you going to be okay?"

She nodded, and realized she was still sitting in his lap. With mild embarrassment, she moved off him and ended up standing next to the bed. Jounouchi got to his feet as well, and stretched grandly, his body making loud cracking sounds in the process.

"Hey Malik, do you have a pen and paper?" She shot him an unamused look.

"We have plenty of papyrus and stone tablets. I might be able to track down some of this modern 'paper' though."

He grinned, "anything's fine." She retrieved the legal pad from her desk and handed it to him.

"Arabic?" Jounouchi asked, looking at the writing on the top half of the paper.

"It's the principal language in Egypt, although I'm not nearly as fluent as Isis. We use a mix of Arabic and ancient Egyptian when no one else is around," she explained gently, amused that the wrinkle never disappeared from Jounouchi's brow.

"Okay. Can I use the bottom of this sheet?" She nodded, leaning in close to see what he was doing. "Here." He handed the pad back to her, and she read the sequence of numbers silently. "The top one is Anzu's cell phone. You should probably call that one and ask for me if you need someone to talk to. I'm not home all that often."

She looked up, feeling a little confused. "Will Anzu let you use her phone, especially to talk to me?"

"Eh. We'll see." He grinned. "I don't think she'll mind a conversation now and then." He opened the door and stepped into the hall.

She nodded and laid the pad on her desk and hurried after him. "Hey Katsuya?"

"Eh?" He turned around and she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Thanks for coming to see me."

He placed one arm around her shoulders and gave her a half-hug, brushing the hair away from her face with his other hand. "No problem. No problem at all."

---

End


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